Fear of missing out (FOMO)

#fear #opportunitycost #missingout #FOMO #authenticity #socialvalidation

“Fear of missing out (or FOMO) includes two processes; firstly, perception of missing out, followed up with a compulsive behaviour to maintain these social connections” (Gupta & Sharma, 2021). Though the term was introduced in the 2000s, the idea of FOMO is not a new one. In fact, this phenomenon has an evolutionary origin and possibly dates way back.

Human beings fundamentally crave or yearn for social inclusion and belongingness. And understandably, missing out on or being excluded from social events can potentially impact one’s chances at survival as well as reproductive successes. Hence, this can trigger or elicit anxiety and fear in us.

Through the lens of social media and increased connectivity, we are now able to gain access to others’ lives in an instant. This increased awareness results in FOMO as we are able to view others’ photos or videos of life’s milestones, achievements, holidays and social gatherings.

FOMO does not only limit to social interactions or decisions related to socialisation and one’s social standing and affiliation. It can also be with regards to life decisions, career pathways as well as consumer behaviours (in reference to recent craze of owning Labubu soft-toys!).

PSYCHOLOGY of FOMO

The psychology underlying FOMO is complex indeed - let me break it down as follows.

Firstly, FOMO typically gets triggered when one engages in social comparison, which is made way easier now that social media has become commonplace. With a click, one’s lives is accessible to anyone else in that instant. On top of that, one can even compare oneself to more than one person within a short span of time.

We tend to fall prey to unhelpful thinking patterns (more technically, it is known as cognitive distortions) in which, our perception  equates to reality. Since we see others’ picture-perfect lives featured on social media as truth (no matter how far away from truth it may be in reality), it tends to trigger FOMO within us. The thinking of “the grass is always greener on the other side” may be relevant in this case.

FOMO is also related to the fear of regret. This prospect of regret can often motivate one to make decision rather impulsively, primarily based on fear of missing out on potential opportunities. For instance, for every social event that one chooses to miss out on, one may fear losing out on the chance to meet someone significant or chance to get the latest scoop of gossip.

FOMO may also relate to one’s need for social (external) validation. It is almost as if one’s self worth and esteem are determined by the number of parties one get invited to,  social events that one attends or the number of photos in which one gets featured in.

IMPACT OF FOMO ON LIFE

FOMO is not recognised as a psychological or mental health conditions as reflected in the diagnostic manuals for mental disorders. However, its significant impact on our mental, and physical well-being, productivity, and  social relations can not be overlooked.

Social relations may suffer

The desire to seek validation from social groups may lead to one continuously seeking out new experiences or trying to attend all activities one is invited for. This can result in a compulsive use of social media or smartphone as one constantly checks for latest social trends, the next text/invite for an upcoming gathering or about friends’ life updates on social media.

Ironically, these behaviours can impede our ability to fully appreciate the present moment and connections with the people we are meeting and hence, cost us our social relationships. Being in constant comparison to seemingly perfect highlight reels of others, one can even end up with feelings of resentment, envy, isolation, loneliness and detachment among others, which in turn affects social relations.

Our wellbeing at work may suffer

The compulsion to stay constantly connected and updated, and  its related anxiety, distress and restlessness, that are associated with FOMO can significantly affect one’s ability to focus on task in turn hampering one’s productivity at work.

Another way our well-being at work can suffer is how “busy culture” is being glorified as it unfortunately feeds into the FOMO narrative. This is in light of individuals feeling FOMO and pressure to keep up with peers or industry trends of being constantly being busy (or at least appear to be) and engaged in multiple ventures. These inevitably lead to  longer work duration and habits that are unsustainable over long term, and may in turn lead to occupational burnout.

Our sense of self may be affected

FOMO and its related social comparisons with others' lifestyles are often based on the curated updates seen on social media or via conversations during catch-ups. These can not only breed feelings of dissatisfaction in oneself but also, result in one’s sense of inadequacy and lowered self esteem/worth. Ironically, FOMO may result in reduction of one’s satisfaction and contentment with one self and existing relationships, thus undermining the social belongingness that FOMO seeks out to achieve.

Regaining one’s control over one’s life

For individuals who see FOMO as mostly beneficial to them given that it motivates them to step out of comfort zone and get them to re-assess their life’s priority and trajectory for the better: keep it up and of course, be mindful of its potential negative impacts. Should it start to affect you in the above-mentioned ways and your life in general takes a hit, here are ways you may consider to restore some equilibrium and balance.

-Identify your North Star (e.g., values and direction)

You may uncover this by asking questions e.g., “what sparks joy in you?”; “what is important to me in this life?”; “what kind of life do I want to lead/create?”

-Recognise that our resources (e.g., energy, time) are limited

Given that they are limited, it is certainly our focus to put them to good use — preferably one that’s aligned to our values and beliefs.

Quite in line with this, be mindful of the concept of opportunity cost which simply means: “the loss of other alternatives when one alternative is chosen”.

For instance, should we choose to attend a party, it will mean that we potentially lose out on the chance to attend a friend’s baby shower. Depending on which is more important/meaningful to you, you can decide which activity to dedicate your precious resources to.

-Learn to uphold our boundaries

This is characterised by the ability to say “no” and/or filter what stays in our lives based on what’s most relevant or important to one’s life. And such holding of boundaries can take place both on an online as well as offline platforms.

It is knowing that we can choose to limit our social media consumption based on what’s relevant to our values. For instance, we can do so by being discerning to who /which account we choose to follow and receive updates from, on social media platforms. We can even choose to block those that are unhelpful or causing distress to us.

As for social outings or face to face engagements, if we were invited to more than one, we get to choose (or say “no”) to fully immerse and enjoy our time at one of them instead of rushing to three events in a day and risk not enjoying any in the process.  It is the choice of what’s of value to us (quality) versus what’s MORE (quantity) and balancing it with amount of limited resources we have in this case.

-Seek professional support if needed

This can be for purpose of rebuilding one’s self esteem and self worth that has been affected or exploring what one’s values and direction (I.e., North Star) truly encompass. Through therapy, there can also be exploration of what the triggers your FOMO and/or where your FOMO stems from — which helps guides in intervention to get to its root cause/source.

Good news is that it is absolutely possible for us to address FOMO and with adequate support (to change mindset and equip with strategies), individuals can learn to regain control over their lives by making decisions that are more aligned to what truly matters to them rather than just what is popular/ socially normal.

As the saying goes, “Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” by civil rights leader Howard Thurman. Let’s work towards embracing ourselves and our individual values and preferences and be authentically and unapologetically us … rather than be one of the many clones of today’s society.

The picture depicts how one is trying to re-establish bearing and direction, somewhat analogous to how we want to regain control over our lives especially if we start getting affected by the fear of missing out phenomenon.

Here for you,

Jeanice

References

Gupta M, & Sharma A. (2021). Fear of missing out: A brief overview of origin, theoretical underpinnings and relationship with mental health. World J Clin Cases, 9(19): 4881-4889