Of goodbyes and growth
- ahaeurekamoment
- Feb 5, 2024
- 6 min read
Updated: Nov 17
Recently, I did an interview segment with a friend on bidding farewell to clients in our therapy journey. In it, we discussed, from a therapist’s perspective, what closure in therapy meant to me and what my experiences are related to therapy closure.
p/s: Do check out our interview on both spotify and youtube!
This topic on therapy closure reminded me of this phrase – “we grieve because we love”.
Similarly, as we celebrate love and bask in festivity in the month of February, we may get reminded of our losses –of things and people that we love(d), lost and grieved/are grieving for. Closure of therapy can be seen as a loss – loss of therapeutic space and connection shared between client and therapist; loss of this sacred space where clients can share their vulnerabilities and where therapists have honour of holding space for all of them.
Thus, we need to take care of this closure process in order to make it a healing process for clients, gifting them with a corrective experience– for that can potentially go on and influence how they perceive and respond to other loss(es) in their lives in future.
What closure means to me
Below are what closure meant to me and they definitely have an influence on how I support a client through it.
Closure is a thoughtful process, not an event:
To me, termination is a process, not an event – time and space needs to be provided to clients to arrive at closure. It is not an event that takes one by surprise – and feel the rush to terminate by the next instance.
It is one which is mutually discussed and agreed upon between client and therapist and planned in such a way whereby clients can feel adequately supported throughout the ending phase of therapy.
Closure can signal new beginnings and continous growth:
I see it as not just a closing of a chapter, but that it marks the start of a new chapter.
In addition, closure can signal new beginning and opportunities for clients.
Growth does not end with this closure, instead, clients may continue to grow beyond this chapter. We may witness growth in the next chapter – where sense of independence, confidence, and strength are concerned. Speaking of growth, as therapists, we grow alongside our clients as well. More often than not, therapists end up learning from clients and the collaborative process as much as clients do.
Closure can be painful; open conversations can serve as a buffer
A planful closure can allow both therapist and client time and space in between to process the mix bag of difficult feelings that gets evoked. The pending loss can trigger myraid of feelings depending on how clients experience and perceive loss(es). For those who see termination as parallel to many of life’s endings e.g., break-up, divorce, death or loss of loved ones, it can evoke strong feelings of sadness, anger, grief, rejection and/or sense of abandonment. Clients can experience varying degree of the above mentioned feelings. In addition, there is the mainstay of fear and anxieties too. The end of therapeutic journey can mean end of support and change, which can be unnerving, especially when one grows accustomed to the status quo that is familiar and comforting. As a result of these fears, some may either delay or avoid such conversations even when they are capable of coping on their own or have reached their therapy goal(s).
Therapists are also not immune to these painful feelings related to closure. Certainly, there will be feelings especially of sadness, grief and disappointment. Last one being related to inability to be the one helping clients with their focus in therapy till completion - especially when closure is abrupt.
Closure is a celebration of a milestone in client’s life
Yes, while closure can evoke many unfavourable feelings, it can also involve favourable ones as with life's new beginnings. These can include pride, gratitude and anticipation. Pride on both ends for achieving favourable outcomes in therapy. The sense of gratitude is also experienced by both – given that therapy can be such a life-changing growth and learning journey for clients and therapists alike. Anticipation refers to what may be in store for clients in the next chapter.
Closure as a healing process
I believe it is our responsibility as therapist to provide appropriate condition for termination to be a healing experience. For example, we seek to provide ample opportunity and space for clients to discuss concerns and for therapists to address them accordingly. There may be a need to dedicate part of closure process to grieving (the pending loss) too. In doing so, we are inevitably sending the important message that endings need not be a taboo subject to be avoided. Instead, clients are welcome to face the feelings evoked from ending, guided on how to adequately cope and walk away with a sense of peace and confidence. This is when we would have provided them with a corrective experience regarding endings and loss.
In this process of closure, it can also include the consolidation of client’s gains from therapy namely, what they have learnt about themselves, their lives and also the more adaptive coping skills they have been equipped with, in response to focus in therapy. In this conversation, we identify possible lapses and/or relapses along the way as a way of normalising them, lest clients have a rose-tainted view of how life may be after the closure of therapy chapter. This effectively manages their expectations that there may be moments of lapses (in which they struggle or not feel in control), just like before. However, what is different now is their awareness of possible triggers and symptoms, and increased competence in coping with them.
It is also essential to emphasise to clients that just because they have closed this therapy chapter, it does not mean that they are on their own to fend for themselves henceforth. Contrary to the imagery of 'a door close shut' which can be brutal and unhelpful, they are reminded of it as a 'close of book chapter'. Essentially, they can access it at any time in order to revisit what’s learnt before. And in times of need when they require a guide for support, they can always resume therapy. In this case, they may feel empowered to cope with life independently with the skills they have learnt from therapy and recognise that they can reach out for help should they need it.
Concerns related to unplanned closures
As said, some level of planning , preparation, and open communication between clients and therapists are ideally in place to ensure that closure is done in as healing and supportive manner as possible. This will go on and influence individuals to see closure as an enriching and fulfilling experience as opposed to one which is fear-inducing and damaging to self (e.g., self identity, esteem).
However, in reality, there are many instances whereby closures are not necessarily planned. For instance, clients or therapist may abruptly initiate closure due to life circumstances and concerns. Others may, for various reasons, stop attending sessions without any communication. These closures are characterised by the need to close up in a short frame of time. Such unplanned closures can be disruptive – to therapeutic process and the recovery of the client especially if closure needs to occur in the next instance. In some cases, there may be a need for transition to another therapist, with proper handover of case notes in spite of above-mentioned feelings (and more!) evoked.
Another concern occurs when cases (of unplanned closure) decide to resume therapy after months or years. In these cases, clients may be required to start all over, instead of continue where they left off, especially if the time lapse is too long. The appropriate analogy would be that of two people coming together after some years of being apart and there is understandably some gaps and changes in that time.
As mentioned, closure in therapy is an essential part of therapy and more focus needs to be placed on it given its sustainable and longer term impact on clients' lives. For one, how closure is experienced in therapy can potentially go on and form a mental and emotional framework for one to manage life's endings and losses. Hopefully, that way, we are all equipped with what is needed and be able to adequately deal with future losses to come.
Always cheering you on,
Jeanice
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