In the aftermath of scam: You are not alone

#pause #breathe #morehastemorewaste #losses #grief #distress #trust #senseofself #notalone #psychologicalimpact #slowandsteady #progressnotperfection

Scams had been around for thousands of years with the main modus operandi being to trick unsuspecting individuals and businesses into providing money and personal and sensitive information. Over the years, the scams have evolved to incorporate the use of new trends, and technological advances.

Scams have become an increasingly serious problem in Singapore, in view of the increasing number of cases and amount of monetary losses each year since 2019. In fact, 2024 marks the first time that the annual losses to scams crossed the $1 billion mark.

Many have fallen victim to scams on a daily basis. As the profile of victims in Singapore appeared to shift towards younger (read: more technologically savvy) and more educated segments of society, this may not be easily explained by ignorance, or naivety. There are indeed many mechanisms at play - including human's tendencies to take mental shortcuts and rely on thinking biases when one feels threatened, overwhelmed, and/or experience sense of urgency/fear of missing out.

Additionally, majority (specifically, more than 80%) of the total reported scams in 2024 * had been self-effected transfers, meaning the scam victims facilitated the monetary transactions themselves, as opposed to scammers gaining direct control over their accounts.

This shows that younger individuals, who fall prey to scams, make these transactions of their own volition.

I shall focus on the psychological impact of scam on victims as well as how loved ones can lend support and care to them in the aftermath. These may be more helpful to discuss given how distressing the experience can be for both the victims and their caregivers alike.

Sense of loss

Though monetary loss is central in most scams, scam victims incur other forms of losses such as:

-Loss of confidence and trust in self and others.

-Loss of ideal outcome that they felt could have been…(in light of the gains that scammers falsely promised them).

Changes in self perception

Victims' sense of self may get affected as discrepancy can emerge between how they perceived themselves to be and how they are seen now following the scam. Relatedly, the experience can elicit negative self-appraisal and self criticisms, resulting in a corresponding downward spiral in mood and motivation.

Impacts on lives

Scam victims may experience concerns ranging from practical, to social and psychological ones. For instance, in the practical sense, they may query, “how do I finance my XYZ loan now that my account has been emptied?”. Following the scam, there may be worries and concerns that preoccupy individuals and a huge myriad of feelings (including, disappointment, shame, guilt and fear) , which can affect their performances on daily tasks and impact on their responsibilities. Socially, they may isolate from their social circles, due to the overwhelmingly strong shame and/or disappointment.

The pictorial illustration portrays this: Even if you feel alone and unique in your suffering and pain in the aftermath, please remember that you are not alone in the grand scheme of things. Look around and you may find support you need.

If you know someone who has fallen prey to scams, here are some ways to show our support in a more intentional and supportive manner:

Firstly, do acknowledge your own feelings. When you first realise that your loved ones have fallen prey to scam, it may pose as a shock and disbelief to you, especially if your perception of him/her is one that differs from the stereotypical representation of a scam victim (read: likely an older and vulnerable individual who is seen as less vigilant, and naïve). In response to the shock, you can take a pause, do some deep breathing before approaching the victim (your loved one).

Next, the general rule of thumb in engagement is connection before correction. This means we want to validate and acknowledge their experiences.  At this point, we want to avoid passing judgement,  drawing comparisons to other experiences (that are “worse off”) or reprimanding them for not being MORE vigilant. These can serve to dismiss their experiences, and risk having them shut off from you for further support.

Instead, we actively listen to their distress and provide empathic responses – e.g., “it must feel horrible”. This can help them feel understood and more willing to engage.

They may cry and verbalise negative thoughts. In response, we can choose to make space for the tears, stay with them, and try to normalise the emotional expression. These are necessary to keep them connected with you which creates opportunity for further support.

We want to attend to their needs. The best way to know what they need is to ask them. This is truly a case where there is no prize for guessing or assumptions. Should victims not need company from you, respect that and offer them space. You can invite them to seek support when they are ready. If they verbalise need for practical support, you can provide avenues for them to meet the need.

Observe them for any changes in behaviours and mood, over time. If you feel that they are struggling with the vicious spirals of negativities (characterised by shame, negative thinking and distress) which take a toll on their livelihood and daily lives, please remind them that they are not alone. You may encourage them to seek support from their tribe and/or link them up for professional support.

This is for both scam victims and their caregivers: Healing takes time!

The german idiom goes, “Eile mit weile”, which translates to “haste makes waste”. This means that when one lacks patience and rushes the process (of recovery), it may lead to waste of time and resources. Let’s strive for “slow and steady” instead where healing process is concerned. Of course, seek out a trusted professional who can make space and guide you on this healing process, if that is what you need. 

You have got this and you are not alone.

Rooting for you,

Jeanice

*These trends and statistics are based on the 'annual scams and cybercrime brief 2024' documented by Singapore Police Force.