LET'S TUNE-IN TO OUR EMOTIONS!

Emotions lie in the very heart of all human experiences and interactions. Emotions provide us with information about a given situation. For instance, if we feel sad, it may suggest a loss. If we feel angry, it may suggest that our boundaries had been crossed.

These information may inform our thoughts and behaviours as well as prepare us for action.

Specifically, if we feel sad and face a loss, we may realise that we need companionship. Knowing this can potentially move us towards seeking the companionship.

We may run into difficulties with emotions — whereby, we tend to over-regulate, under-regulate or block our emotions with other emotions. All these are coping mechanisms that may be unhelpful as they lead to us feeling cut off from our emotions, and losing impulse to act and function or end up getting overwhelmed by emotions so much that it handicaps us.

And in the case of having our emotions blocked by another, we may end up hiding behind the (facade) emotion and risk being misunderstood by others. This can sometimes create much distress for everybody involved.

Let’s take over-regulation for example — when one avoids or tunes out our emotions excessively. You may wonder why we do that?

Well, it often occurs automatically…and usually out of fear!

We fear being judged for our emotions, and in turn getting rejected or abandoned. This may stem from history of us being labeled as weak whenever we express our heartfelt sadness through crying OR when we get ostracised for our vulnerabilities. We start to relate vulnerabilities/emotional expression with weakness and rejection from peer groups. “I will not fit in my clique if I showed too much emotions”.

And so, we hide or tune out those emotions and put on a mask all the time.

We fear being overwhelmed by our emotions and hence, lose control!

In our quiet times, whenever we recount our painful memories which accompanies painful emotions, we usually break down and feel horrible for hours on hand. We feel helpless and hopeless and sometimes, suicidal. Hence, we choose to tune out — “I dont want to live through the trauma again…it makes me feel distressed for entire day”; “I dont know what my anger or sadness is capable of. I may lose control of it and of myself”

And so, we tune out to NOT feel and to appear like we are “in control”.

We fear not being understood.

There may have been prior experiences whereby those we are closest to struggle to understand our emotions and emotional experiences. This can be interpreted as “my feelings don't make sense”; “there’s something wrong with my emotions”.

And so, we tune out so as not to have to go through the above again — to have someone not understand or question the validity of my experiences.

All these fears underlie our action to tune out the emotions at all cost.

Can tuning out our emotions make them disappear?

We wish! Unfortunately, no, emotions that we do not tune in or process today can come back and haunt us tomorrow. They do not disappear just because we chose not to attend to them today.

Instead, these (unprocessed) emotions get held in the body and the pent-up feelings can in turn lead to physical and/or psychological health issues (e.g., hypertension, heart-related diseases, depression).

In worse case scenarios, they may even end up in death (through natural courses of diseases and/or completed suicide).

All in all, emotions can continue to remain mysterious and scary if they are unprocessed and inevitably, we may continue fearing and avoiding them.

In this way, we miss out on the important information that our emotions may provide and favourable change that these information can bring to our lives.

Reminder to self and you reading this: TUNE IN TO EMOTIONS, NOT OUT.

In light of the above, let's remind one another to try tuning in to our emotions more — we can do so on our own by acknowledging their presence next time we feel uncomfortable. For instance, after a major fall-out with an important friend, we start feeling "a certain way". We can first label and then acknowledge that this feeling is valid given that we have just lost an important person in our life. "let's see.....I am probably feeling sad by the loss of this friendship with XYZ. It is totally valid why I feel so sad because she is an important person in my life." And subsequent to this, we can even share this with a trusted loved one or friend. You may feel momentarily better afterwards.

However, if you wish to find out more information about the emotion(s) and/or what to do with it(them) or to come to closure for an emotional experience, you can consider seeking support from mental health professional who can process your emotions with you in a safe space and at your pace.

Sending strength your way,

Jeanice

This photo of mask suggests how individuals tend to hide behind masks, effectively hiding away their truth and vulnerabilities.