Making space for grief in festivities

It may be a trying period for those of you who have suffered losses over the last few years, and it’s the first lunar new year where you gather with your extended family and friends with no pax restrictions.

You may feel the need to put on a “mask” or to appear okay during the gatherings( just so as not to be a wet blanket) .. when in reality, the loss hurts and pains you to the core.

You feel incredibly alone in your grief as you watch the world around you feasting and smiling away in family celebrations…such contrasts often make the loss even more pronounced.

The absence of loved ones is felt immensely for e.g., when loved ones used to be the light of any party or an elder whose younger relatives visit the home of. With the absence of the comforting presence, laughters, voice, and stories of the loved ones during these gatherings, things may no longer be the same from here on.

At the same time, however, you feel the need to meet or connect with your extended family as you learn to value life and relationships much more following the death… perhaps as a knee-jerk reaction to the loss (or letting go), you tend to hold on…

You may yearn to make up for connections that had become intermittent or lost from the past few years..

You may feel that your deceased loved one would have wished to connect with these people… and thus, you feel obliged to do so on his or her behalf.

All these result in a turmoil of internal conflict and pressure on you as lunar new year approaches. If you are experiencing the above, pls acknowledge that it is indeed a difficult period… for all of you suffering loss(es) of any sorts — be it with fur or non-fur loved ones.

Acknowledge that you will experience a flood of memories regarding your loved ones (e.g., triggered by the empty chair at reunion dinner) and the reservoir of grief responses that may follow… leaving you feeling more vulnerable and distraught than ever.

Validate these feelings and know that it’s OKAY to be NOT OKAY.

Listen to yourself, your feelings and what you need — if you don’t feel up to it, do postpone the gathering till you are ready. You may give yourself permission to leave gathering earlier than scheduled, or interact minimally if conversations are hard for you these days. Prioritise yourself this period. Go at your own pace. Listen to your needs.

The people who love you will be fine with and try to understand your course of action(s) whereas the people who takes offence probably don’t love you in the first place…

Signing off with love,

Jeanice

This depicts how support is essential and much needed for those who are grieving during the seasons of festivities.