What's your play moment today?

ahaeurekamoment
Oct 6, 2023
7 min read

Updated: Nov 17

A painting of sea creatures swimming in sea. — This picture is of a painting by a child. It depicts sea creatures in a sea having fun. It relates to the crux of the blog which is about importance of play in our lives.

As Jean Piaget, a child psychologist best known for his research on children’s cognitive development, once said, “play is the work of children”. I attest to it as I witness children putting all their hearts and souls to play and often prioritising it over any other task. And I would like to add that it must not be limited to just children — and that us, adults CAN and NEED to play too. There are so many merits that play can offer.

What is play?

One type of play that is particularly important in childhood is open-ended play. This is where children are free to use their imagination and explore without specific goals in mind. It might involve playing with construction toys, pretend play or simply exploring elements in nature. Besides that, there is play using physical movement and body such as rough and tumble play, dramatization. Of course, not forgetting the form of play that occurs in any setting, as long as it involves others i.e., social play.

I consider music, novels, celebrations, dances, and drama as part of culture and indulgence and engagement in them as play. In addition, play can be engagement in literal play activities, e.g., board or card games, toys, playground fun, with other adults and/or children.

Why is play so important?

Below are the benefits of play

*Practice for real world

Play can be a practice for skills needed for the future, somewhat like a rehearsal for life’s challenges and trials.

An example of this can be pretend play and/or role play. In this case, there is room for trial and error too – which means we get to make mistakes, learn and try again.

*Socioemotional development

Play allows us to learn social cues and how to relate appropriately with others. Specifically, through play, we get to hone our theory of mind and learn perspective taking in play as well as how to perceive others’ emotions and respond accordingly. All these socioemotional skills are essential in social interactions and relationships.

*Boundaries and rules of engagement

In play, we learn boundaries and rules of engagement with others. For e.g., we learn how friendly teasing and mean-spirited taunting differs in the way they are received and delivered. Through play, we learn and practise ways to hold our boundaries and repair relationships should there be any relational rupture due to violation of boundaries. For e.g., we learn and practise seeking forgiveness or reflect on self-control and restraint to better respect others’ boundaries.

We learn how to communicate about and hold or negotiate our boundaries around safety, risk taking as well as body boundaries for instance, especially through play that involves physical contact (e.g., rough and tumble play).

We also learn skills such as turn taking, adhering to play instructions and problem-solving during play.

All these, which we learn through play, are useful in the development of socially appropriate and prosocial behaviours in life.

*Creativity

Play enables us to imagine and innovate freely without the practical constraints. It is as if sky’s the limit in play – where anything is possible. This occurs in pretend imaginative play or day-dreams which children and adults engage from time to time, about our future (e.g., dream home, dream wedding). These novel possibilities may not be envisioned if not for those playfully idle moments of indulgence and imagination.

*Brain development

Stuart Brown, a renowned play expert and founder of National Institute of Play, pointed to the fact that play promotes creation of new neural connections which “don’t seem to have an immediate function but when fired up by play, are essential to continued brain organization”. This shows the importance of play on the brain development which is essential for our functioning.

*Coping resource

In dealing with stressful situations or events, our fight or flight response is activated and we can get overwhelmed by range of emotions and feel range of feelings including helplessness and loss. Play in this instance may assist in bringing some familiarity and control and serve to help us (children and adults alike) cope. Though somewhat temporary form of relief, it can provide a brief respite to individuals who are going through a challenging period.

Play can potentially serve to help children (or anyone), who are struggling with stressful situations, to express themselves and understand their emotions and themselves.

*Build relationships

Playfulness (e.g., healthy sense of humour or irony) has been found to be helpful in maintaining equilibirum, providing resilience and flexibility in relationships and enabling individuals to restore relationships after misunderstanding or unrealistic expectations.

With all these benefits, play is indeed a NEED and NECESSITY for ALL and should be prioritised at all cost.

Play is forgotten and lost

For children the drive to play is innate and automatic.

However, play gets lost by the time they reach adulthood.

“I have forgotten how to play”; "I dont know how to play" — these are feedback I get from adults whom I worked with in therapy when I suggest integrating playfulness into their lives. It is truly devastating to lose this playfulness given that play has been found to be integral to our health in the same way sleep and nutrition are.

The truth is that in adulthood, we may feel compelled to put aside or de-prioritise play.

As we enter adulthood, we may begin putting play aside to make space for work and other commitments. And this is unfortunate given that play deficit has been shown to be comparable to a sleep deficit - affecting our mood, optimism, and capacity to feel sustained pleasure.

In addition, we may de-prioritise play due to societal expectations and beliefs that neither respect play nor understand the need for it. Messages we may grow up hearing includes, “play is childish. It is waste of time”; “play is for children, no adults play”;“Be productive! Stop playing!”. Gradually, we may internalise these messages and feel compelled to forgo play, in order to be accepted or approved by society.

How do we restore play?

I use the word restore as almost all of us were full-time players when we were young. We need to stoke the spark that has always been in us. And soon, we will get a fired-up player ready to go again.

In order to restore play in our lives, we can attempt to adjust our mindsets towards play as well as get creative with the forms of play that we can include in our lives.

Explore your play history

Search your memory for what you did as a child that got you excited or joyful; that gave you sense of pleasure, of total engagement, of wanting to do this again and again. Allow visual images and feelings to flood your consciousness as you reflect with curiosity. These represent the experience of authentic play times and may offer clue as to how or where to go for current play experiences. Have fun looking and in the process, we may stumble upon more play ideas.

Keep an eye out for play opportunities

People usually close themselves off to play when they feel they SHOULD be productive or always be serious.

The key is in taking ourselves less seriously and essentially, indulge in playfulness in the most mundane activities of everyday life – e.g., singing in shower, figuring shapes in clouds.

Give yourself permission to be a beginner

This can be challenging, but it is necessary to allow ourselves to be a beginner, to make mistakes, to stumble awkwardly in order to facilitate growth and learning.

Since young, we may have been exposed to and internalised expectations and standards set by society and educational systems that equate self-worth to one’s achievements. And if we spent most of adult years worrying about such appearances (to appear respectable, competent, knowledgeable), it may be difficult to let go, make mistake or stumble.

Hence, we need to consciously give ourselves the permission to be beginner again – to improvise, to mimic and to take on a beginner’s attitude and try a novel activity – e.g., learn a new dance and language.

Get moving

Motion is most basic form of play – like in rough and tumble or dance. We start moving since we are in the womb of our mummies. So, one of the quickest way to jump-start play is to do something physical or move. E.g., take a walk, do jumping jacks, play the hula-hoops, playing fetch with your pet. These can eventually lead to fun, laughters and tears – of pain or joy.

Look beyond the usual

While play can typically mean the stereotypical types e.g., playing with boardgames, toys, at playground, it can also include engagement in music, novels, celebrations, dances, and dramas that are part of culture. This can potentially expand our options for play as we incorporate it into our lives.

It is important to note that play is not all fun, and bliss. It also has the flip side that involves pain, distress and suffering. For example, when one goes on camping or outdoor play trip, there can be fun and enjoyment but also mosquito bites, and sore muscles. This other side of play can present us with opportunities to learn distress coping, resilience, conflict resolution, and how to observe safety during play.

As Stuart Brown highlighted, “When we play, we are engaged in the purest expression of our humanity, the truest expression of our individuality. Is it any wonder that often the times we feel most alive, those that make up our best memories, are moments of play?”