My reflections about Toy Story 5

I finally watched the Toy Story 5 movie and here are my reflections. The “you’ve got a friend in me” song is like an earworm for me in this season of my life!

A drawing of the main characters in Toy Story 5 - Smarty pantz, Lilypad and Jessie! It is really not a battle of what's better companion for Bonnie! Every one of them potentially plays an important role for Bonnie at different point in time and serves different needs. The key is in allocating limited resource (attention, time and energy) to good use and hopefully make time for real-life connections and good ol' play!

Firstly, this story highlights the importance of parental role and influence in a child’s life. In this story, Bonnie’s parents bought her a smart tablet (called Lily pad). Parents had intended for Lily pad to help Bonnie with making friends, in view that they were primarily concerned about her lack of real-life friends. However, Bonnie soon became preoccupied with fitting in and hence, paid attention to the comments and opinions of her dance friends. This is the part whereby parental intervention can be important in supporting the children as they navigate the virtual world as well as reel- and real- life friendships.

Next, there is the idea of social acceptance and peer pressure depicted in the story. For instance, there was a scene whereby Bonnie hid her real feelings towards her toys, in her bid to fit in with her new found dance friends. They had teased her incessantly about her attachment to her toys. Over time, if Bonnie continued seeking external validation through fitting in, she may end up forgoing her needs or truth, until she loses her identity. She may also start to believe that the person she is in the core (i.e., someone who enjoys good time of play and fun) is not socially acceptable or unlikeable, and in worse case, grow to dislike and shun this “core” or authentic self. This can take a toll on her energy, and lead to disconnection with herself and others.

This story also explores the importance of finding your own tribe (of support) who accepts you, for who you truly are. It can feel particularly safe to be unapologetically you when true friends accept you for your unique quirks and preferences and laugh with you, instead of, at you. This is evident in the bond between Bonnie and Blaze, in which both shares the same passion in engaging in imaginative play and sharing the joy of including physical toys in the fun. A trusted adult or caregiver can help to advocate for not only a supportive tribe but also the idea of self acceptance, at such a stage, where appropriate. In case of Bonnie, her mum as well as Jessie (her childhood toy) tried to play this role.

In search of our tribe(s), it is essential to know what we are looking for. Through her experience with her dance friends, Bonnie discovered that not everyone can be a friend who is value-adding or supportive. These dance pals showed disapproval towards her toys and teased her about it, making her feel ashamed and rejected. In this case, they were clearly a source of stress, instead of support, to Bonnie. And Jessie to the rescue here - knowing Bonnie well, she identified a suitable friend for Bonnie : Blaze.  Don't we all wish we can have a “jessie” in our lives? One who knows us so well that she can help us identify a suitable friend among the crowd. In reality, more often than not, there is no "jessie" and we may need to go through some heartbreaks and grief /loss, before we land a suitable candidate.

In this story, Bonnie and Blaze regularly engaged in what we call imaginative play with toys.

This shows that we all are capable of play at any age and in fact, we need to continue playing even as we grow up. Please read my previous blog post on play and its benefits:

https://www.brightpsychoflife.com.sg/post/seize-your-play-moment-today Contrary to popular belief, there is really no age limit to play, or imaginative play! This is evident from game clubs whereby late adolescents and adults alike all gather and enjoy a game of "Dungeon and Dragon" or other roleplay book games!

There is nothing wrong with device use per se. However, one needs to be aware that time spent in the virtual world (or device use) can limit the time available for other aspects of life including physical and social interaction or play. The trade-off is real. For instance, when one is playing online games on one’s iPad or computer, one can ironically feel isolated (despite virtual connection). This can be due to the absence of physical human cues (e.g., facial expression, gestures etc) or verbal interaction among parties involved. This was illustrated by a poignant scene in the story whereby Bonnie and her friends, during the sleepover, sat with one another but engaged in their own devices. In that moment, the girls appeared isolated in their physical spaces despite being virtually “together”.

Lastly, this is not battle between digital devices/ iPad and face-to-face physical interaction or toys. In fact, the devices and toys can potentially serve an important function and role for Bonnie. It is instead more about moderation, balance and what meets our needs at any given time. There are benefits that technology can provide us with, as can be seen in the story. In today’s society, children can be exposed to electronic devices at an early age. And in light of our awareness about negative impact of excessive tech use on our lives, just a gentle reminder for parents to help in moderating the amount of screen time /device time so that they can have adequate time for real-life interactions and play too. You may consider reading this guidance by Ministry of Health on screen use in children.

After all, our time, attention and energy are limited commodities. It matters how we manage our limited resource and put them to meaningful uses. So, choose wisely, friends!

Rooting for you always,

Jeanice